remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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