the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize