Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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