Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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