Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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