one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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