I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
