Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
