I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize