Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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