I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
