remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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