No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
