Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
