Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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