i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
