"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
