the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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