But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
