you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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