guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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