so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
