I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
