Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
