so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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