i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
