I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
