He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
