I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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