I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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