I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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