I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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