Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they're like a gay fantastic four
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
