mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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