you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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