If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
