youre lurking in front of me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
