Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
