I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
