if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize