She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
