You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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