you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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