...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
