so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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