Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
