ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
