Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
