Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
