I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize