Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
