I wish I could teleport
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
