Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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