so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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