Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
