Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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