if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
