Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
