dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize