piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
