I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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