I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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