I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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