I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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