god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
