I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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