We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
