so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
