Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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