I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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