i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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