She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
