i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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