my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
