That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
