how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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