"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
