I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize