oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
