Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
