She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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