I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
