you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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