u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
