dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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