You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
