You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize