so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
