Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
