So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
