I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just high enough for therapy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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