Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
