Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize