I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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