Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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