if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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