idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
