Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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