You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
