found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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