its not stalking. its research.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
