I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
