My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize