I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
