i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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