That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
