"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
