How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
