There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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